


Antidisestablishmentarianism

by themoononastick



Category: British Actor RPF, British Comedian RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-16
Updated: 2011-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-20 11:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoononastick/pseuds/themoononastick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarcasm, eyeliner and apple pie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Antidisestablishmentarianism

It was a busy Friday night on Sunset Boulevard. Even after midnight, the street was alive with people ferrying back and forth among the nightspots that lit up the dark with dazzling neon and signalled hidden pleasures with the dull thump of the music that lingered in their doorways and bled into the night. From their booth by the window, Dom and Eddie watched the crowds shuffle past, taking in all the sights that L.A. had to offer and pointing out the occasional fashion faux-pas or sign of exquisite taste amongst the people walking by.

Dom was feeling calm and ever so slightly drunk, free beer at an industry “do” had helped to ease the sharp edges of the night. He was sprawled out across a bench seat, arms draped along the tan vinyl, fingers drumming in time to the music on the jukebox. He liked this place, with its black and white history of Hollywood on the walls and its glass bricks and chrome décor – busy enough to have an atmosphere but quiet enough to be enjoyed. Most of all, he liked watching Eddie watch people. It was like watching a hawk choose its prey. Eddie’s eyes flicked from face to face, searching for a weakness he could exploit, something to add to the running commentary he kept up between bites of apple pie.

In a rare moment of silence, Dom leant forward and slowly brushed his thumb against the corner of Eddie’s mouth, leaning back in his seat afterwards to check his handiwork.

Opposite him, Eddie arched an eyebrow.

"Ice cream." Dom’s noncommittal response suggested it was perfectly normal for a bloke to be wiping ice cream from another bloke’s mouth.

"You might have smudged my lippy."

Dom laughed.

"You’re not wearing any. Remember? You’re doing the ‘toning it down’ bit ‘cos you need the acting work."

A range of expressions passed across Eddie’s face before he settled on comprehension.

"Ah yes, that’s right. Struggling actor and all that. So, yeah …er, how come you get to wear so much eyeliner? And, by the way, it’s a mess."

"I’ll thank you to remember that I am currently gainfully employed. I can do what I want. And it’s after midnight; it’s supposed to be a mess – shows I’m having a good night out."

"You look like a panda."

"Bloody transvestites, always with the makeup criticism. I suppose you want to fix it for me."

"Well I’m certainly not going anywhere else with you looking like that. I have certain standards to uphold. I can’t be seen with just any old tramp."

"Hey who are you calling a tramp? I’m a one-woman man, I’ll have you know."

"One woman at a time more like – maybe two at the weekend. Or is that boys?"

"Oh, for fuck’s sake! How many times do I have to say this? I’m _straight_. I like women."

"Methinks the lad doth protest too much."

"Fuck you."

"See, I knew you liked guys."

Eddie grinned in triumph, and Dom shook his head before bowing it in defeat.

"Do you want some of this pie? You should try it, it’s, um, cinnamony."

Eddie slid a piece of the apple pie onto his fork and held it out to Dom, waving it wildly in the air so that fragments of pastry rained down onto the table top. Dom cocked his head to the side, looking up at Eddie through his eyelashes before leaning forward and opening his mouth. Eddie’s eyebrow arched again and he rolled his eyes, – but he still pushed the fork slowly into Dom’s mouth, waiting for him to close his lips around the piece of pie before withdrawing it again.

Dom closed his eyes and let the taste of apples and cinnamon roll over his tongue. Eddie was right. It was good, and now Dom wished he’d ordered it as well. Next time he came here he would, if he ever found the time between the TV appearances and shooting schedules that now filled his life. Not that he was complaining about being busy; it was just that sometimes, it was nice to do nothing for a while.

"Cinnamony’s not a word, you know."

Eddie nodded vaguely, looking around the diner as he did.

"Funny old place, this, isn’t it?"

Dom was confused. He liked this diner and, compared to most of L.A., it was pretty damn normal.

"If you think this place is weird, then you might have a problem living here, mate."

Eddie brought a hand up in front of his mouth, letting it rest against his lips, his gaze focused back on the street as he answered Dom.

"No, not the diner. This place. America, L.A."

Dom spread his arms along the back of the chair again, letting his head fall back so that it rested on the vinyl.

"Yeah, it does take a bit of getting used to."

***

 

"Look up. I can’t do this if you’re looking at me."

Dom could feel the cool of the porcelain tiles soaking through the material of his trousers as he sat balanced on the bank of washbasins in the diner’s restroom. Dom had his legs spread wide apart and Eddie was standing between them, so close that Dom could feel Eddie’s breath as it ghosted across his cheeks.

"Why not? I’m so devilishly handsome I’m turning you on? It’s both a blessing and a curse to be as good-looking as me."

Eddie took a step back and fixed Dom with a hard stare.

"No, I just don’t want to stick this eyeliner pencil in your eye. Liquid eyeliner is so much easier, less chance of injury."

Dom grinned and beckoned Eddie forward again, then turned his gaze to the ceiling and tried to keep still.

"You realise that if someone walked in now, this would look terribly seedy."

Eddie didn’t seem too concerned. Dom figured Eddie must be used to applying make up in strange venues. Dom decided not worry too much about it and concentrate on the feel of the eyeliner pencil as Eddie drew it across his skin.

"A man walks into a toilet..."

"Restroom."

"What?"

"It’s called a restroom. You’re in America now; learn to talk like a yank. If a guy walks into a toilet here, it means he collides with an actual toilet."

Eddie made a noise that could be best described as a snort.

"Restroom is an idiotic term. It’s not like you would come here to actually rest, is it? I mean, no one is going to think ‘ooh I need a piss and a bit of a lie down as well, isn’t it handy that there’s a room where I can do both.’ And where are you supposed to have your rest? It’s not like there are any beds in here – there’s not even a sofa. Are you supposed to lie down on the floor?"

Eddie stepped back again and handed the eyeliner pencil to Dom. Dom slipped it back in his pocket and jumped down from the sinks to peer into the mirror.

"Tah, mate. And I guess it would depend on how drunk you were. You might think the floor looks pretty comfortable if you were pissed enough."

In the mirror, Dom could see Eddie looking at him with a mixture of amusement and horror.

"Speaking from experience there, are we? Just how many _restrooms_ in L.A. have you slept in?"

Dom grinned.

"Just the one, but I’m not drunk enough to tell you about it. Yet."

Eddie laughed and slapped Dom on the back.

"Stop gazing at yourself in the mirror, will you, you promised to show me L.A.’s hotspots. Where are we off to next?"

Dom checked his watch and thought about it for a moment.

"We could go to Sky Bar or The Viper Room, maybe. Or there was that party that girl mentioned … we could jump in a cab and swing by there."

Dom led the way back into the diner as he spoke, taking a moment to smile at their waitress as they passed her by. When he got to the door to the street he stopped and looked back, waiting for Eddie to catch up.

Eddie was standing by the windows, staring out at the people once more, eyes searching the crowd for someone to pick on. Dom smiled to himself; he knew what they should do now.

"Or we could find a bar that has tables by a window and you can watch people go by while I get drunk enough to tell you about the restroom floors I’ve slept on."

Eddie walked over to join him by the door, and Dom couldn’t help but smile at the look on his face. Eddie looked like a child who had been given the keys to a sweet shop, wide-eyed and grinning like an idiot. Dom nodded towards the door and held it open so Eddie could exit the diner, and then followed him out onto the street.


End file.
